Thursday, September 11, 2008

Smelled like pennies

Okay, no disclaimer can take the shame and sheer embarrassment from this story. It was totally me! I can't deny it. I told this story for the first time at work yesterday. This will probably be the first time many of my family members will have heard this story.

.....Geez, my face is already turning red and the hives are just settling in.

My best friend, Holly, and I were both preacher's kids. We are not the "bad" preacher's kids that many often hear about. We were the MOST naive and innocent people in our whole high school! Seriously! Holly wasn't even allowed to say crap! Haha...I'm sure she loves me telling this now. We both had chemistry together with our teacher who delighted in our innocence and often called us the "good girls" of her class. Yes, we sucked up. Now move on!

One Thursday afternoon, our assignment included creating a series of chemical reactions and (if we performed them correctly) documenting their specific outcome. For example, some of our concoctions would turn color, fizz, etc. Just like any other day, Holly and I partnered and completed or assignment. Our last chemical reaction's response was the creation of an aroma that was metallic. Now, I didn't say we were the brightest bunch!

If it smells......your face might be too close

Instead of writing "metallic smell," I wrote "smelled like pennies." After dotting my i's and crossing all my t's, I turned my paper in along with the rest of the class in her "daily assignment" basket, located on her desk.

The next day was business as usual. Until chemistry class.

As the tardy bell rang, I asked my teacher, Mrs. J, if I could run to the restroom. After listening to a thirty-second lecture about using my time between classes wisely, I ran to the bathroom.

On my way back to the class, I heard a roar of laughter coming from my classroom. As I got closer, the laughter grew louder and louder and didn't stop! When I opened the door to my classroom, the laughter quickly evaporated and everyone stared at their desks, however I felt like their eyes were burning holes in my body.

Was this a horrible dream and I had returned from the bathroom naked? Good grief, no.

Did I have a bugger on my face? Nope, I alredy took care of that in the bathroom. :)

Did I forget to pull up my pants? (looked down) Whew, nope.

Were they just staring at my dashing good looks? Perhaps. Yes, we'll go with dashing good looks. And with that, I took my seat and found yesterday's assignment neatly placed on my desk. But, what was this? Red ink on my paper?? Holly and I had missed a point!? I turned to Holly and noticed that her face was red and she was trying to cover it with her hands.

Had we forgotten a question, I thought. Had we misspelled something (happened quite often). The only words I saw on the side of the paper were Mrs. J's own handwriting. It read: "How would you know??"

"How would I know?" I said. Well, if we did the assignment right, then I'd know.

Mrs. J then summoned me to her desk and asked if I would like my point back. "Sure," I said with caution, as Holly's head was now covered by her hands and jacket.

"Look at the question and then look at what you wrote," Mrs. J said as she began to blush. (I turned to the class thinking this was a trick question. Their eyes were now FIXED on me. Trust me, I knew my dashing good looks weren't the only thing they were thinking about....

Second mistake: reading aloud.

"Describe the chemical reaction that took place after mixing the chemicals: smells like penis. Smells like penis. SMELLS like penis. SMELLS LIKE PENIS? PENIS?!" [*can't believe I just typed that word - and in large font!*]

FIRST mistake: being born.

The class erupted in laughter as Mrs. J tried to stop the repeating of a foul word in class. I was so unfamiliar with this word that I was convinced I was saying PENNIES! But my paper said penis!! Not pennies! My face became so red and my eyes filled with tears. Holly came out from hiding just long enough to say, "Sarah, why did you write that? Why? WHY?" Then, like an ostrich, she returned to her hole.

"But...I mean, pennies. I ....I didn't write this! I wrote pennies! Pennies!"

After making a quick phone call to my friend at the FBI, a quick forensic analysis was done. Handwriting samples were taken and the good name of Sarah Sue was cleared. Upon closer look, it was noted that someone had erased the last half of my answer and boldly written another half. Thus, creating a whole new answer to the age old question of what happens when you mix two chemicals. The answer: should have stayed in bed.

Note: I normally do not use the word I typed above. I turned twelve shades of red just typing it!


Rachel said...

Oh my GOSH -- I can't believe you've never told us that before. THAT IS HILARIOUS!

Did "someone" REALLY erase the 2nd half?????

Hannah Noel said...

I'm suprised Johnson never told me that story!!! I'm shocked you could type the "P" word at all. I'm proud of you, Sarah!! You're all grown up!!! But the BIG test is, can you type the "V" word?? muahaha

Jennifer said...

Seriously, WHY on EARTH did you teacher ask you about it in front of the WHOLE CLASS!!!! Ohmygoodness. That's horrible!

Toni said...

OMG I seriously think I almost peed my pants reading this. You are definetly being included in my fantastic friday list on a daily dose tomorrow, thanks for the laugh. I love reading your blog it always cracks me up

Ashley said...

I found your blog through a blog of a blog....More specifically, I believe I found it through your sister rachel's blog....and I found her blog while "blog Surfing"...

anywho back to the reason to comment....I was trying to read this while sitting in our living room with family and I had to "pretend" to cough...and leave I was laughing so hard. I had to continue reading it later tonight alone....I almost snorted!

echoesofmercy said...

oh my gosh... i can't believe that happened to us.. haha... what great times... with the 'atom' and 'ribosomes'.. hahah.. i don't even remember who all those nicknames were for.. ha!! those are some great memories!! haha..