Monday, September 8, 2008

I thought I had a man's disease.....

So....I shouldn't watch documentaries about diseases, illnesses, and/or conditions.

I realized this after I began writing my last Will & Testament one Sunday afternoon following two documentaries about cancer and obesity. I started out wanting to take a nice long nap, so I turned on PBS. Oh, stop your ranting and raving about public television and how educational it is! Face it - it's boring! So, as I was drifting off into dreamland, I caught the word "symptoms."

Yes, this word seems to catch my attention because I want to make sure I haven't "caught" anything bad. So, I heart began to pound. Was I having a heart attack? I'm too young! I haven't been on American Idol yet! Then, hives started to spread across my neck. Wait, when do I not have hives? That will be the day I know it's all coming to an end.

PBS man: "Do you have fatigue?"
Hypochondriac Sarah: "Yes..."

PBS man: "Do you have unexplained headaches?"
Sarah: "My head hurts now!" Note: not wearing contacts.

Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks.....I might have a brain tumor. Knowing that there might be a chance that I die, I sent a text message to my sisters and mom that I might be the owner of a brain tumor. Note: I am very serious about my being terrified about having a tumor. I make no light of cancer and its seriousness.

Well, after the cancer documentary, I became obese. I mean, I watched a documentary about obesity. They preached so much about not eating on the couch or watching so much tv and I nearly cried as I looked down and I was on my second helping of chocolate pudding! "I'm going to be obese," I said as I swallowed another dollop of chocolatey goodness. "Look at me, I can't stop!" I said, "AND I'm watching PBS!"

I shouldn't use the website

Did you know that WebMD has a symptom checker? Yes, you simply put in your symptoms and it gives you a good idea what condition you might have. Did you know that I might have brain aneurysm? As well as IBS? As well as many other conditions? Yes, WebMD makes me an online hypochondriac. I could spend all day crying over my conditions with WebMD. It's a different condition every day! :(

And I shouldn't watch 20/20 either....

I hate to admit this....but I once thought I had a man-only disease. Yep. Even, as a child I was a little hypochondriac. I once though I would be considered an adult if I stayed up and watched 20/20 at 9:00 at night. (Oh, to be back in the day when 9pm was late!) Well, I watched Barbara Walters give a great report about some disease that I now cannot remember. I watched and I'm sure my little blue eyes became wider and wider with the thought of catching this disease. Later that night (probably during the late hour of 10pm), I rand downstairs crying to my mother about how I didn't want to die! She calmly asked me what I was dying of and when I told her that I had the disease from 20/20, she started laughing really loud.

How could she laugh at my dying? Did she really love me? Would she come to my funeral? Would I even get a funeral? Do people really know when they do or don't get a funeral?

Anyway......she then explained that only men got this disease. So, unless I was a man in a woman's body there was not a chance. Wait, would I know if I was a man in a woman's body??? What would be the symptoms? :)


Rachel said...

SEE! THIS is why you needed to be blogging. You're HILARIOUS!!!

ParentingPink said...

Hi! Welcome to the blogging world! I'm blogging friends with your sis Rachel and she sent me your way. She is are the "very witty" sister! Very funny post and trust me, I can relate!

When I was working on my Masters in psychology I went through the same stuff. First I diagnosed myself with Paranoid Schizophrenia. Then I was Bi Polar. I settled on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - but I dunno - could also have a personality disorder thrown in there! LOL. So, you're not alone!

Hannah Noel said...

I might as well give up on blogging now that the "funny" sister is here...

How about when you aspired to BE Barbara Walters? "Hello America, My name is Sarah Hamill, and this is 40/40"

Susan said...

LoL, your funny. I enjoyed the neurotic read.

Heather B. said...

That is so funny! I can totally relate. one time I actually begged an ER doctor to admit me bc i was sure I was having a heart attack. I had an EKG that was normal but I was convinced that they had misplace the electrodes and i was really having one.