Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Let me introduce you to my friend.....

I would like to make an introduction. APPARENTLY, you haven't met!!!

So, I would like to share some stories - related to my place of employment....
Just like Law & Order, I come equipped with a disclaimer:

The following stories are fictional and does not depict any actual person or event. ;)
DO NOT try this at home.
"So I tried whitenin' my teeth myself," an elderly farmer said, as he adjusted the worn out strap on his Big Smith overalls.
"Really? What product did you use?" The hygienist looks at his chart, scanning for which product they had recommended he use for whitening and thought to herself this was the first elderly farmer who had been interested in whitening his teeth. Hmm...
"Well, ah jus figur'd that them old whitenin' stripses all made uh bleach, ain't they?" He said.
"Well, each product may be a little different but the main ingredient is usually hydrogen peroxide. It's not really straight bleach." She said, laughing to herself at the thought of someone bleaching thier teeth with ACTUAL bleach........wait.
"Yeh, that'd prob'ly be why my teeth idn't white after I tried just bleach my wife had under the sink."
As he began to scratch the last little stubbles of hair around his ears, the young hygienist started laughing. What a kidder! What a kidder?!! When she turned around and saw that the old farmer was not laughing, she quickly sat down and asked him about his "bleaching" experience.
That young hygienist learned a lot that day:
1). Never judge a book by it's cover.
2). People will try anything.
3). Swishing with straight bleach will not whiten your teeth, but it will make your tongue red and swollen!
I may need speaking lessons, but you need a hearing-aid!!
Note: the names of these fictional characters have been changed to protect their identities.
The young hygienist got back from lunch and peeked at her afternoon schedule, secretly hoping that somehow all of her afternoon patients were out of town and rescheduled for some other day way, way in the future. Uhum...I mean she looked at her schedule and was elated at the amount of teeth she was going to get the pleasure to clean - because she loves her job ;).
She then walked to the waiting room door, opened it gleefully and said, "Harold?"
"Is Harold here?"
(Hygienists often worry about butchering a name [do you know that we have created 42 ways to spell Ashley?!], looking at all the females in the room when the name you're actually calling belongs to a man, or maybe even belching as you're saying "Sam" and having everyone in the waiting room stop what they're doing to point and laugh at you.
Well, they also hate it when they think someone is in the building that has not even arrived for their appointment yet! )
The young hygienist's face began to blush with every person that lifted their head to see who is calling "Harold" over and over again.
She walked quickly to the receptionist, nearly hugging the wall in hopes that her scrubs would blend into the surroundings.
"Receptionist....friend! I thought Harold was here? You have betrayed me? Was that a joke, making me repeat myself five times in front of a room full of patients??" The young red-faced hygienist said.
Before the young receptionist could even answer, an elderly man raised himself from his seat and began to walk toward the two young ladies. The young hygienist looked at him and realized that he fit Harold's description.
The man came to the reception area, leaned his elbow on the counter and said, "Did you say Harold or Jimmy?"
Chuckling to herself, the hygienist said, "Harold" and began to walk him back to her operatory.
"Well, it sounded like you said Jimmy," the old man growled.
(Hygienists do not like starting appointments off on the wrong foot either. It gets pretty uncomfortable being 8 inches from someone's face when you're angry at them.)
"Have there been any changes in your health history since the last time you were in?" the young hygienist routinely asks.
"WHAT?" the old man snapped, as he turns his whole body around in his chair so that he can make eye contact and let this young hygienist know that he is angry.
The young hygienist repeated herself and thought it was going to be a long fifty minutes!
Well, it didn't.
The fifty minutes crawled by as she cleaned his teeth in silence. Well, I guess the scratching of metal against teeth isn't quite silence.
As she pushed the button to slowly raise his chair into the upright position, she told him that she was going to fetch Dr. Clark for his exam.
"Did you say Dr. Frankenmeizerwitz?" Harold asked.
She wanted to say: Well, since Frankenmeizerwitz and Clark are so similar sounding, I can see how you were easily confused....but no, I said 'Clark.'
She actually rolled her eyes (because he could not see her face) and said, "No, I said Dr. Clark. I'll let him know we're ready for a check."
"Well, it sounded like you said Dr. Frankenmeizerwitz. You should enunciate."
She rolled her eyes so far back in her head that it hurt.
"Oh," she said laughingly, "sorry." (Hygienists also hate saying "sorry" when it's really NOT our fault. For example: Oh, your gums are tender during the cleaning? Perhaps had you used the fuzzy end of your toothbrush, they wouldn't be so red and inflamed. Perhaps.)
"You need speaking lessons. I can give them to you if you want - for about $120 an hour! Gosh....."
The young hygienist got up out of her chair, and with a smile said, "Hahaha.....I'll be right back."
On this day, the young hygienist thanked the Lord that she didn't have to see this patient again for six months and that she had put her three sharp instruments down on the tray before Harold began to speak. Oh, and thanked him that she put her dull one down too....cause that would have been more painful. :)
ADDED BONUS: (and no, I'm not a nerd)
Favorite dental hygiene t-shirts:
Only brush the teeth you want to keep :)
Hygienists do it TWICE a day (with a picture of a toothbrush)
Unlike your relatives, if you ignore your teeth they will go away.
Cleaning your teeth was like a mini-makeover!
I run with scalers.


Rachel said...

Very funny -- I sent you an email.

Hannah Noel said...

Lol you are lame, but funny all the same ;)