Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Christmas Balls

Yes, that's right. I said Christmas balls.
I would like to start this little story by saying that I am REALLY not a perverted person! Just typing the world "balls" without the word "bouncy" in front of it makes me a little red-faced. These perverted things just seem to happen around me - I promise!!

So, the little hygienist told me this story last week. Now, I shall share it with you!

The following story does not depict an actual person or event

The little hygienist would like to introduce you to a new "temporary" dentist who is helping out the LH's practice. His name is Dr. Spruce. Dr. Spruce looks......a lot like ......Burt Reynolds. Seriously. They are like twins. It's scary.The LH would also like you to know that Dr. Spruce is stuck in the 70's - literally. He wears loafters instead of more conventional shoes. His attire consists of a bright orange zip-up scrub top (by the way - this is the FIRST scrub top I have seen that zips in the front). He also wears pleated scrub pants in various colors. These scrubs are literally from the 70's.

Dr. S also has another part of his attire. A sweater. A sweater made of his own hair.
Yes, Dr. S is hairy. A hairy dentist....that sounds like a scary monster in a horrible dream. Yikes!

So, now that you have a mental picture that includes Burt Reynolds in 70's scrubs, you may now add hair sticking out of the scrub top - that is unzipped about a half of an inch.

Go ahead and snicker all you like. I do it too.....

So the LH had a patient that was ready for a check by Dr. S. The patient was a small child in the kindergarten age and was very nervous about her first dental visit - but did great! The LH was so proud and excited that it went so well! Then, there was Dr. S.

Dr. S walked into the room to check little Suzy's teeth:

Dr. S: "Well, hello there!"

(Seeing the denist-from-the-past, little Suzy became quite frightened.)

Little Suzy: "Mom?!" (in her squeeky voice)
Dr. S: "Well, look at your shirt! What's on your shirt?"

(Little suzy had a purple shirt with white circles on it)

Little Suzy: "Um...I don't know."
Dr. S.: Well, those look like Christmas balls to me!

Little Suzy's mother's eyebrow quickly shifted up and she turned her head to the side. The LH put her mask up over her smiling and red face.

Dr. S: "Well, those are some pretty Christmas balls on your shirt."
Little Suzy: "Mom!?"
Dr. S: "Aren't those Christmas balls?"
Little Suzy: "No, they're not. They're NOT Christmas balls!"
Dr. S: "Well, sure they are. They look like Christmas balls to me."
Little Suzy: "They're NOT! Mom?! Tell him they're not Christmas balls!"

This back-and-forth debate about whether her shirt contained Christmas balls or not continued for what seemed like an eternity.

Finally, the LH said "Well, Little Suzy just turned 5 years old last month. Can you tell Dr. Spruce when your birthday was (Little Hygienist and Suzy had just talked about her birthday)

Dr. S: Yes, when is your birthday, Little Suzy?"
Little Suzy, in complete fright and frustration (because she did NOT have Christmas balls on her shirt) was so frazzled that she could not even remember her date of birth!

The poor child! She was so upset that as soon as the LH sat her seat in the upright position, she leapt out of the chair and stood behind her mother.

Poor thing. I guess she's not a fan of Boogie Nights.


Hannah Noel said...

lol... what did this 5 year old think he was talking about?? She's too young to be perverted!

Jennifer said...

Well, Burt, you can check out my ball ANY time!
(hmmm, that doesn't sound quite right, does it?)

curiousceridwen said...

Dr, um, Spruce called the after hours line the other day and I picked up--were you up front when this happened?--and I didn't say my name which really threw him off. In fact, I refused to tell him who I was. I said "I don't give out my name after 5:00." And he started stammering and sounded all frustrated and said, "But, but I work with you!" "I know," I said, "But I still don't give it out." He tried to turn his stammering into chuckling and said, "You're funny. You make me laugh. NOW can I talk to Dr. [practice owner]?" Oh my.

curiousceridwen said...

Sarah. You have to check out There are some seriously bad professionally decorated cakes out there!

Hannah Noel said...

Hey-- I tagged you!