Christmas Balls

Yes, that's right. I said Christmas balls.
I would like to start this little story by saying that I am REALLY not a perverted person! Just typing the world "balls" without the word "bouncy" in front of it makes me a little red-faced. These perverted things just seem to happen around me - I promise!!

So, the little hygienist told me this story last week. Now, I shall share it with you!

The following story does not depict an actual person or event

The little hygienist would like to introduce you to a new "temporary" dentist who is helping out the LH's practice. His name is Dr. Spruce. Dr. Spruce looks......a lot like ......Burt Reynolds. Seriously. They are like twins. It's scary.The LH would also like you to know that Dr. Spruce is stuck in the 70's - literally. He wears loafters instead of more conventional shoes. His attire consists of a bright orange zip-up scrub top (by the way - this is the FIRST scrub top I have seen that zips in the front). He also wears pleated scrub pants in various colors. These scrubs are literally from the 70's.

Dr. S also has another part of his attire. A sweater. A sweater made of his own hair.
Yes, Dr. S is hairy. A hairy dentist....that sounds like a scary monster in a horrible dream. Yikes!

So, now that you have a mental picture that includes Burt Reynolds in 70's scrubs, you may now add hair sticking out of the scrub top - that is unzipped about a half of an inch.

Go ahead and snicker all you like. I do it too.....

So the LH had a patient that was ready for a check by Dr. S. The patient was a small child in the kindergarten age and was very nervous about her first dental visit - but did great! The LH was so proud and excited that it went so well! Then, there was Dr. S.

Dr. S walked into the room to check little Suzy's teeth:

Dr. S: "Well, hello there!"

(Seeing the denist-from-the-past, little Suzy became quite frightened.)

Little Suzy: "Mom?!" (in her squeeky voice)
Dr. S: "Well, look at your shirt! What's on your shirt?"

(Little suzy had a purple shirt with white circles on it)

Little Suzy: "Um...I don't know."
Dr. S.: Well, those look like Christmas balls to me!

Little Suzy's mother's eyebrow quickly shifted up and she turned her head to the side. The LH put her mask up over her smiling and red face.

Dr. S: "Well, those are some pretty Christmas balls on your shirt."
Little Suzy: "Mom!?"
Dr. S: "Aren't those Christmas balls?"
Little Suzy: "No, they're not. They're NOT Christmas balls!"
Dr. S: "Well, sure they are. They look like Christmas balls to me."
Little Suzy: "They're NOT! Mom?! Tell him they're not Christmas balls!"

This back-and-forth debate about whether her shirt contained Christmas balls or not continued for what seemed like an eternity.

Finally, the LH said "Well, Little Suzy just turned 5 years old last month. Can you tell Dr. Spruce when your birthday was (Little Hygienist and Suzy had just talked about her birthday)

Dr. S: Yes, when is your birthday, Little Suzy?"
Little Suzy, in complete fright and frustration (because she did NOT have Christmas balls on her shirt) was so frazzled that she could not even remember her date of birth!

The poor child! She was so upset that as soon as the LH sat her seat in the upright position, she leapt out of the chair and stood behind her mother.

Poor thing. I guess she's not a fan of Boogie Nights.

Can I get a few extra napkins??

These words will never mean the same thing.

A few weekends ago, I was feeling pretty crafty and remembered that my MIL had wanted some new Christmas napkins. She had jokingly hinted to me one day that since I had a sewing machine, I could make her some as her Christmas gift.

So, being a good little daughter-in-law, I decided I would take her up on that offer to put the Martha Stewart in me to work! I looked up how "easy" it is to make napkins and dialed up my MIL to see what size she wanted.
After getting the specifics on the pattern, type of fabric and size, I remembered that I hadn't asked exactly how many napkins she needed.

Sarah/Martha Stewart: Well, there are two parents, four children and eventually four spouses. So, maybe 12. Yah, that's a good number. 12.

MIL: Well, let's see. Yah, twelve....plus grandma and grandpa, then aunt Jo and uncle Ben, Sam and Abby and their four kids. Then there's aunt Denise and uncle George. Then there's........

(The more names she added to the pile, the quicker I realized this wasn't going to be the "easy" task I once thought)

MIL: So.....26. Yah, that should do it.

Gulp.

So, it's a little more than a week away from Christmas and......I've made ten.
Yep, 1/3 done.
Yikes.

It's Been a Little While.....

Wow, so I guess that was an understatement!
It has been a while, not because I am incredibly busy..... more like incredibly lazy.
So, let's catch you up on the King Duo.

I am still working my normal 4 days a week doing secret operative work for the United States government. :) My cover job, however is still cleaning teeth.

Seth has changed jobs in the last three weeks and it has really impacted our normal routine. Seth was working as an under-appreciated Youth Minister. Never heard of such a thing? I'm sure you've met one before cause they're everywhere! Well, my little man is also working on his master's degree at MSU in Springfield. I am so proud of him. I would have to wait a lot longer in between bachelor's degree and going back for a master's degree.

His job as a youth minister was really taking a toll on his confidence, amount of energy, and his spirit in general. So, after lots of talking and praying, Seth decided to resign as youth minister and work a job that might work a little better with his college schedule. So, now he's working as an I.T for a company that works with HP/Microsoft. He helps people with their computer problems and he truly loves his job. He's always had a love for electronics, so this is great.

The not-so-great-thing is that his job requires him to go through a month of training from 3-11 five days a week. Yuck. That means Sarah doesn't see Seth (except for when she's begging him to turn the bright light out or kissing him on the cheek before she leaves for work) until the weekend. It really stinks. We are used to watching our favorite Monday night line-up on NBC and having more "us time."

Needless to say, I have much more time to myself these days and I am LONELY!! :( Sad, I know but very, very true. We try to talk on this breaks and we have a little notebook that we right in each day so we can communicate in fun ways, but there's nothing like snuggling on the couch watching "My Own Worst Enemy."

Okay, getting a little teary........

Oh Barnacles

The following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event. ;)

The Little Hygienist sleepily walked into her operatory and wiggled her mouse in order to view the day's schedule. Eight o'clock, nine o'clock, yep.....wait. Her ten o'clock patient caused her to stop quickly in her tracks...and cry just a little. No! Not him! Has it really been six months? Really? Why me? I thought the hygienists were suppose to take turns with crazy patients? Uggh....

Yes, it had been six months since Vernon had come into the office - and yes, he was (for the third time) on her schedule again.

But why, you ask, did the Little Hygienist dislike Vernon? Who wouldn't like a little old sweater-vest wearing ninety year old man who takes Viagra.
Wait....is that what I just typed?
Yes. Viagra.


The Little Hygienist remembered the first time Vernon was on her schedule and everyone in the morning huddle giggled, snickered, and advised her to "watch out." She re-read his medical history and there it is - Viagra. Now, why would a ninety-something year old man be in need of Viagra?
That was a rhetorical question - no need for an answer.


"Vernon?" The Little Hygienist said with a gulp, as the white-haired man left his conversation with the fifty year old woman. He grabbed his two canes and began to shuffle his way toward her.

"Excuse me, beautiful lady [to the 50 year old lady he was sitting next to]. Scrunch your beautiful toes in so the old man won't step on them as he goes by!" Vernon said.
"Yuck....it's already started." The Little Hygienist said as she shivered and tried to look away.

"Hello, Sarah. How are you, beautiful?" Vernon said.
Eww! Eww! He remembered my name. Oh, wait it's written on my chest. EWW EWW!! Even worse!!
"Good, Vernon, and you?"
"Well....." he said. He then explained that he had lost his "lady friend" in the spring and had become quite "depressed and despondent." [Hold your "awwww"] Then, he began to tell the Little Hygienist about how 12-15 years ago, he had dated a married woman and she was his "lady friend." Since then, however, he husband passed away and she was interested in him again. A mutual friend of theirs came to Vernon and said that Mrs. X was interested in his "companionship" once again.

"So, I went to her and said, 'Are you ready to be my woman again?'"
Yuck.
"I want to be your woman," Mrs. X said.
Double Yuck.
Then, Vernon proceeded to tell me that not only did Mrs. X want his companionship, but also his financial companionship. You see, Mrs. X is younger that Vernon. She is a nurse and has a young granddaughter she is raising.


Mrs. X!? I mean really!


Note: this was all before the Little Hygienist could even lean the chair back to clean his teeth.


When she finally was able to, she leaned the chair back and noticed his hearing aids that had a particularly odd attachment. They had antennas! They looked like they could pick up satellite radio! At first, she thought they were just really thick ear hairs. Yuck.
Then she noticed his little sweater vest and thought that he would be a much cuter old man had he not told her how pretty she was twelve times the last cleaning appointment.


Then she noticed Vernon's shoes......they caught her eye and seemed somewhat familiar. Yes, very familiar. His were faded and roughened up a bit, but yes........the Little Hygienist had the same pair!!

NNNOOOOOO
Now, don't fret. They were lake-shoes. You know, the $4 mesh shoes from Wal-Mart that you wear in the lake so you don't have to touch the rocks? I know. I know, it's still weird.

"Is this the direction in which I am headed?" The Little Hygienist thought? "Viagra and sweater-vests?" God help me if I am.


So, as the Little Hygienist began cleaning his teeth, he asked if there were many "barnacles" on his teeth.
Barnacles?
Aren't barnacles from Pirates of the Caribbean? Oh, he meant plaque buildup. Yes, lost of Barnacles, Vernon. The little hygienist picked up her sharpest instrument and the suction, closed her eyes and went to town. A few minutes (forty) later, he was all clean. Well, his head was still in the gutter, but his teeth were shiny! :)

At the end of the appointment, she helped Vernon set up his next cleaning appointment. And somehow, her schedule was full the rest of the year. Hm.....sorry fellow hygienists!! Muahhhhhh!!!

The Grocery List

As told in the previous post, I am now in a savings crunch! Given the option of eating out with the girls at work nearly every day OR saving money to be able to have a baby - I pick BABY! So, that means eating the cheapest things possible.

I am trying to keep my lunches under $2. TWO DOLLARS!? Think it's impossible, do you? Well, my friend, I have found the solution - - - -L U N C H A B L E S ! !

Lunch (at work) Grocery list:

Lunchables $1.00

Great Value "Dr. Thunder" (Who, I might add, is no comparison to the REAL Dr.) $1.25 for 6-pack.

I would like to note that I ate this lunch for THREE WEEKS STRAIGHT! I can no longer look at Lunchables without the urge to...well, lose my lunch. And I can't even look at crackers without flashbacks of the last three weeks!! And what about Dr. Pepper, you ask? Well, when I taste Dr. Pepper it reminds me how I hate Dr. Thunder which brings back memories of Lunchables......and you know where that leads.

So, for the last week or so, I have been enjoying (that's stretching it) canned foods. Yep, canned. Luckily, the cooler weather has allowed for soup lovers everywhere to start bringing soup and crackers to lunch! And most soup is UNDER A DOLLAR! WOOHOO!!

While I was meandering down the soup aisle the other day, I happened upon Chef Boyardee! I haven't had any of that since I was a kid!! But wait......It was over a dollar. Nope.

Continuing on down the isle, I noticed one of the little tin cans glistening at me. It was as if it were winking at me and saying, "Hey, look at me. I'm cheap, yet still have somewhat the same flavor as the Chef. Give me a try."

I tried to turn my cart around, but there was an older lady in one of those little scooters with the basket and she was taking up half of the isle trying to decide to get traditional cut or french cut green beans and she couldn't decide, so she got her husband, Frank, to pick them both up and decide which cut of beans were bigger because she likes bigger beans and she couldn't hear me very well when I said "Excuse me, ma'am," and I kept waiting and waiting and waiting and the can was winking at me and I was trying to squeeze past her basket, but then my jacket button got snagged on her scooter's basket and I was panicking trying to undo it before she pushed the "full steam ahead" button on the scooter because I didn't want to be dragged down the next isle by the scooter lady and her green bean-loving husband, Frank!!! (Gosh, the was the world's longest sentence. Rachel, it will be okay.)

Needless to say, she and Frank spent a lot of time down the canned food isle trying to decide which cut to buy, so I was given ample time to detach myself from her scooter just in time to pick up a can of Great Value mini ravioli as well as various other Great Value canned items.

So, that's my lunch-life. I sit at lunch eating my Great Value canned items while watching all the cool kids with their bagged lunches from the great world of fast food.

One thing I look forward to is being able to use this whole eating-for-less-than-two-dollars kick when I actually do get the prize at the end of this game. "Do you know what I did just so you could be on this planet?" I will say, "I ate Lunchables for a year! A year!"

Just Say NO To Fast Food

You Can Eat Out Or You Can Have a Baby

The title of this post is a quote from my husband!!! :) Believe it or not!


Context:
My husband and I have been talking about having a baby. We've been married four and a half years and we both just graduated in May of 2007 from college. Basically, I have been begging him for a baby, but like most men he is scared to have a baby. He's afraid it will either make him "uncool," old, or fall terribly, terribly into debt.



* He's very very terrified of being in debt, which I might add is not a bad fear to have.



Anyway, one day I was once again trying to convince my dear husband that we needed a little Seth Jr to which he once again replied in financial talk. Basically, he said that we needed a certain amount of savings before we could think of having a baby. Now, I will say that I absolutely agree that financially, we're not ready for a baby. And I do agree that it will be much easier for me to take time from work and possible cut my hours completely if we had more in savings, so I applaud my dear husband for his financial goals! :) However, when I see my friend's babies, I don't really care about dollar signs - I just want a baby now, dang it! Okay, calm down....



So, Seth and I talked for several minutes about our financial plan and became excited about "living like we're poor" so we can have a baby and the more we save, the sooner we can have a baby. Then, Seth mentioned that at work I tend to go out to eat pretty often. After agreeing, I said, "Well, just say no to fast food. Except every once in a while, cause it's fun."



"No, no, no. We need to save EVERYTHING. So, basically, you can eat out....or you can have a baby."



"I think I'll take the baby," I said.



And with that....we went grocery shopping. But that shopping list is for another blog!

Latest Cake

Emma's first Birthday

The Ellie Face!

So, this weekend Hannah (from http://hannahnoelh.blogspot.com/) and I had a girls night. During this time, we watched a little Will & Grace and ate some microwave s'mores - we ate four each, actually! While doing this, we looked around the infinte world of blogging and saw The Little Lady, from our sister Rachel's blog at http://followinginmyshoes.blogspot.com/. The Little Lady makes the CUTEST "cheese" face.

After laughing 'til we hurt, Hannah and I decided that we would try and duplicate the infamous "cheese face." Although we are not nearly as cute as The Little Lady (Well, I should say that I am pretty cute and Hannah isn't so bad :) ), we tried our best!!

And then tried again....

.....And somehow we didn't seem as cute as The Little Lady. :>

Our dog is a virgin and don't you forget it!!

First, I would like to say that I love my husband!! He is soooo funny – even when he doesn’t try. The title of this quick blog came from a conversation we had this week while we were playing with our 3 month old puppy, Sadie. Sadie is ¾ boxer and ¼ pit bull, so she’s really not small!!

On Labor Day, Seth and I went canoeing with his family. His brother brought his dog, Otis. Sadie and Otis didn’t have much interaction. Sadie basically used him as a crashing pad. She was constantly head-butting him and jumping over him, like he was part of a ropes-course.

Late one night, Seth and I were outside playing with rambunctious Sadie and we both noticed that she’d grown so much since we got her three months ago. Laughingly, I made a comment about maybe be she was growing cause she and Otis got a little frisky. Seth kept responding a simple “no,” and I kept hassling him about it (jokingly) until finally he grabbed Sadie, put his hands over her floppy ears and said, “Sadie’s a virgin and don’t you forget it.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, we were both rolling on the grass with laughter. He had said what he truly felt as her “dad,” which was totally sweet. And there I was laughing because I’d never thought of dogs being virgins!!

Smelled like pennies

Okay, no disclaimer can take the shame and sheer embarrassment from this story. It was totally me! I can't deny it. I told this story for the first time at work yesterday. This will probably be the first time many of my family members will have heard this story.

.....Geez, my face is already turning red and the hives are just settling in.

Background:

My best friend, Holly, and I were both preacher's kids. We are not the "bad" preacher's kids that many often hear about. We were the MOST naive and innocent people in our whole high school! Seriously! Holly wasn't even allowed to say crap! Haha...I'm sure she loves me telling this now. We both had chemistry together with our teacher who delighted in our innocence and often called us the "good girls" of her class. Yes, we sucked up. Now move on!

One Thursday afternoon, our assignment included creating a series of chemical reactions and (if we performed them correctly) documenting their specific outcome. For example, some of our concoctions would turn color, fizz, etc. Just like any other day, Holly and I partnered and completed or assignment. Our last chemical reaction's response was the creation of an aroma that was metallic. Now, I didn't say we were the brightest bunch!

If it smells......your face might be too close

Instead of writing "metallic smell," I wrote "smelled like pennies." After dotting my i's and crossing all my t's, I turned my paper in along with the rest of the class in her "daily assignment" basket, located on her desk.

The next day was business as usual. Until chemistry class.

As the tardy bell rang, I asked my teacher, Mrs. J, if I could run to the restroom. After listening to a thirty-second lecture about using my time between classes wisely, I ran to the bathroom.

On my way back to the class, I heard a roar of laughter coming from my classroom. As I got closer, the laughter grew louder and louder and didn't stop! When I opened the door to my classroom, the laughter quickly evaporated and everyone stared at their desks, however I felt like their eyes were burning holes in my body.

Was this a horrible dream and I had returned from the bathroom naked? Good grief, no.

Did I have a bugger on my face? Nope, I alredy took care of that in the bathroom. :)

Did I forget to pull up my pants? (looked down) Whew, nope.

Were they just staring at my dashing good looks? Perhaps. Yes, we'll go with dashing good looks. And with that, I took my seat and found yesterday's assignment neatly placed on my desk. But, what was this? Red ink on my paper?? Holly and I had missed a point!? I turned to Holly and noticed that her face was red and she was trying to cover it with her hands.

Had we forgotten a question, I thought. Had we misspelled something (happened quite often). The only words I saw on the side of the paper were Mrs. J's own handwriting. It read: "How would you know??"

"How would I know?" I said. Well, if we did the assignment right, then I'd know.

Mrs. J then summoned me to her desk and asked if I would like my point back. "Sure," I said with caution, as Holly's head was now covered by her hands and jacket.

"Look at the question and then look at what you wrote," Mrs. J said as she began to blush. (I turned to the class thinking this was a trick question. Their eyes were now FIXED on me. Trust me, I knew my dashing good looks weren't the only thing they were thinking about....

Second mistake: reading aloud.

"Describe the chemical reaction that took place after mixing the chemicals: smells like penis. Smells like penis. SMELLS like penis. SMELLS LIKE PENIS? PENIS?!" [*can't believe I just typed that word - and in large font!*]

FIRST mistake: being born.

The class erupted in laughter as Mrs. J tried to stop the repeating of a foul word in class. I was so unfamiliar with this word that I was convinced I was saying PENNIES! But my paper said penis!! Not pennies! My face became so red and my eyes filled with tears. Holly came out from hiding just long enough to say, "Sarah, why did you write that? Why? WHY?" Then, like an ostrich, she returned to her hole.

"But...I ....no....pennies.....penis.....I mean, pennies. I ....I didn't write this! I wrote pennies! Pennies!"

After making a quick phone call to my friend at the FBI, a quick forensic analysis was done. Handwriting samples were taken and the good name of Sarah Sue was cleared. Upon closer look, it was noted that someone had erased the last half of my answer and boldly written another half. Thus, creating a whole new answer to the age old question of what happens when you mix two chemicals. The answer: should have stayed in bed.

Note: I normally do not use the word I typed above. I turned twelve shades of red just typing it!

SEMI - WORDLESS WENDNESDAY....

This is what I do when I don't clean teeth....I cause cavities!! :)

Coworker's 50th Birthday

Asher's Baptism Cake

Bumble Bee for Ellie's 1st Bday Cake

Flower

Flower #2

Test-cake for Ellie's 1st Bday

Ellie's Final 1st Bday Cake with edible flowers

Let me introduce you to my friend.....

I would like to make an introduction. APPARENTLY, you haven't met!!!

So, I would like to share some stories - related to my place of employment....

Just like Law & Order, I come equipped with a disclaimer:

The following stories are fictional and does not depict any actual person or event. ;)

DO NOT try this at home.

"So I tried whitenin' my teeth myself," an elderly farmer said, as he adjusted the worn out strap on his Big Smith overalls.

"Really? What product did you use?" The hygienist looks at his chart, scanning for which product they had recommended he use for whitening and thought to herself this was the first elderly farmer who had been interested in whitening his teeth. Hmm...

"Well, ah jus figur'd that them old whitenin' stripses all made uh bleach, ain't they?" He said.

"Well, each product may be a little different but the main ingredient is usually hydrogen peroxide. It's not really straight bleach." She said, laughing to herself at the thought of someone bleaching thier teeth with ACTUAL bleach........wait.

"Yeh, that'd prob'ly be why my teeth idn't white after I tried just bleach my wife had under the sink."

As he began to scratch the last little stubbles of hair around his ears, the young hygienist started laughing. What a kidder! What a kidder?!! When she turned around and saw that the old farmer was not laughing, she quickly sat down and asked him about his "bleaching" experience.

That young hygienist learned a lot that day:

1). Never judge a book by it's cover.

2). People will try anything.

3). Swishing with straight bleach will not whiten your teeth, but it will make your tongue red and swollen!

I may need speaking lessons, but you need a hearing-aid!!

Note: the names of these fictional characters have been changed to protect their identities.

The young hygienist got back from lunch and peeked at her afternoon schedule, secretly hoping that somehow all of her afternoon patients were out of town and rescheduled for some other day way, way in the future. Uhum...I mean she looked at her schedule and was elated at the amount of teeth she was going to get the pleasure to clean - because she loves her job ;).

She then walked to the waiting room door, opened it gleefully and said, "Harold?"

Silence.

"Is Harold here?"

Silence.

(Hygienists often worry about butchering a name [do you know that we have created 42 ways to spell Ashley?!], looking at all the females in the room when the name you're actually calling belongs to a man, or maybe even belching as you're saying "Sam" and having everyone in the waiting room stop what they're doing to point and laugh at you.

Well, they also hate it when they think someone is in the building that has not even arrived for their appointment yet! )

The young hygienist's face began to blush with every person that lifted their head to see who is calling "Harold" over and over again.

She walked quickly to the receptionist, nearly hugging the wall in hopes that her scrubs would blend into the surroundings.

"Receptionist....friend! I thought Harold was here? You have betrayed me? Was that a joke, making me repeat myself five times in front of a room full of patients??" The young red-faced hygienist said.

Before the young receptionist could even answer, an elderly man raised himself from his seat and began to walk toward the two young ladies. The young hygienist looked at him and realized that he fit Harold's description.

The man came to the reception area, leaned his elbow on the counter and said, "Did you say Harold or Jimmy?"

Chuckling to herself, the hygienist said, "Harold" and began to walk him back to her operatory.

"Well, it sounded like you said Jimmy," the old man growled.

(Hygienists do not like starting appointments off on the wrong foot either. It gets pretty uncomfortable being 8 inches from someone's face when you're angry at them.)

"Have there been any changes in your health history since the last time you were in?" the young hygienist routinely asks.

"WHAT?" the old man snapped, as he turns his whole body around in his chair so that he can make eye contact and let this young hygienist know that he is angry.

The young hygienist repeated herself and thought it was going to be a long fifty minutes!

Well, it didn't.

The fifty minutes crawled by as she cleaned his teeth in silence. Well, I guess the scratching of metal against teeth isn't quite silence.

As she pushed the button to slowly raise his chair into the upright position, she told him that she was going to fetch Dr. Clark for his exam.

"Did you say Dr. Frankenmeizerwitz?" Harold asked.

She wanted to say: Well, since Frankenmeizerwitz and Clark are so similar sounding, I can see how you were easily confused....but no, I said 'Clark.'

She actually rolled her eyes (because he could not see her face) and said, "No, I said Dr. Clark. I'll let him know we're ready for a check."

"Well, it sounded like you said Dr. Frankenmeizerwitz. You should enunciate."

She rolled her eyes so far back in her head that it hurt.

"Oh," she said laughingly, "sorry." (Hygienists also hate saying "sorry" when it's really NOT our fault. For example: Oh, your gums are tender during the cleaning? Perhaps had you used the fuzzy end of your toothbrush, they wouldn't be so red and inflamed. Perhaps.)

"You need speaking lessons. I can give them to you if you want - for about $120 an hour! Gosh....."

The young hygienist got up out of her chair, and with a smile said, "Hahaha.....I'll be right back."

On this day, the young hygienist thanked the Lord that she didn't have to see this patient again for six months and that she had put her three sharp instruments down on the tray before Harold began to speak. Oh, and thanked him that she put her dull one down too....cause that would have been more painful. :)

ADDED BONUS: (and no, I'm not a nerd)

Favorite dental hygiene t-shirts:

BE NICE. I COULD BE YOUR DENTAL HYGIENIST SOMEDAY.

Only brush the teeth you want to keep :)

Hygienists do it TWICE a day (with a picture of a toothbrush)

Unlike your relatives, if you ignore your teeth they will go away.

Cleaning your teeth was like a mini-makeover!

I run with scalers.

I thought I had a man's disease.....

So....I shouldn't watch documentaries about diseases, illnesses, and/or conditions.

I realized this after I began writing my last Will & Testament one Sunday afternoon following two documentaries about cancer and obesity. I started out wanting to take a nice long nap, so I turned on PBS. Oh, stop your ranting and raving about public television and how educational it is! Face it - it's boring! So, as I was drifting off into dreamland, I caught the word "symptoms."



Yes, this word seems to catch my attention because I want to make sure I haven't "caught" anything bad. So, I listened.......my heart began to pound. Was I having a heart attack? I'm too young! I haven't been on American Idol yet! Then, hives started to spread across my neck. Wait, when do I not have hives? That will be the day I know it's all coming to an end.

PBS man: "Do you have fatigue?"
Hypochondriac Sarah: "Yes..."

PBS man: "Do you have unexplained headaches?"
Sarah: "My head hurts now!" Note: not wearing contacts.



Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks.....I might have a brain tumor. Knowing that there might be a chance that I die, I sent a text message to my sisters and mom that I might be the owner of a brain tumor. Note: I am very serious about my being terrified about having a tumor. I make no light of cancer and its seriousness.


Well, after the cancer documentary, I became obese. I mean, I watched a documentary about obesity. They preached so much about not eating on the couch or watching so much tv and I nearly cried as I looked down and I was on my second helping of chocolate pudding! "I'm going to be obese," I said as I swallowed another dollop of chocolatey goodness. "Look at me, I can't stop!" I said, "AND I'm watching PBS!"

I shouldn't use the website http://www.webmd.com/.

Did you know that WebMD has a symptom checker? Yes, you simply put in your symptoms and it gives you a good idea what condition you might have. Did you know that I might have brain aneurysm? As well as IBS? As well as many other conditions? Yes, WebMD makes me an online hypochondriac. I could spend all day crying over my conditions with WebMD. It's a different condition every day! :(

And I shouldn't watch 20/20 either....

I hate to admit this....but I once thought I had a man-only disease. Yep. Even, as a child I was a little hypochondriac. I once though I would be considered an adult if I stayed up and watched 20/20 at 9:00 at night. (Oh, to be back in the day when 9pm was late!) Well, I watched Barbara Walters give a great report about some disease that I now cannot remember. I watched and I'm sure my little blue eyes became wider and wider with the thought of catching this disease. Later that night (probably during the late hour of 10pm), I rand downstairs crying to my mother about how I didn't want to die! She calmly asked me what I was dying of and when I told her that I had the disease from 20/20, she started laughing really loud.

How could she laugh at my dying? Did she really love me? Would she come to my funeral? Would I even get a funeral? Do people really know when they do or don't get a funeral?

Anyway......she then explained that only men got this disease. So, unless I was a man in a woman's body there was not a chance. Wait, would I know if I was a man in a woman's body??? What would be the symptoms? :)

DESPACIO!

After looking through my sister's blogs, I have become quite inspired to really get into this blogging thing. I don't have nearly as many wonderful things to write about daily - so, don't start your morning thinking you're going to read about my newsworthy life. No, I am sure I will use this more as a journal and perhaps a release from the stresses of cleaning people's teeth, being a wife - youth minister's wife, and a woman in general.

First - let's talk Costa Rica!

The Above picture was one of the nearly 400 I took in the week we were in Potrero Bay, Costa Rica. The sunsets were unfogettable and unbelievable! They were so different in color each day - truly showed God's glory. His gracing us with what some might think a simple sunset I'm sure is really a glimpse of the beauty heaven will bring! Each night, Seth and I either walked the beach looking at the beautiful sunset or we relaxed at our resort and watched the beautiful backdrop for the Catalina Islands. What an experience!

Backtrack -

When Seth and I landed at the Liberia airport, I was sure there was some kind of miscommunication. You see - normally, people land at an AIRPORT - not a shack! Come on, people! Seriously? Seriously! For my family - I equated their airport to Grandpa's big hay barn. You know the one with a roof and no walls! Yes, except the airport did have a grass roof!

After going through security and picking up our baggage, we left the airport and walked into what I thought must have been a dream. You see, I've always wanted to be a celebrity - and walk into a crowd of photographers who are screaming my name! You know that dream too? Well, my reality was more like a weird version of that dream. We exited the airport...or tried. We were stopped and surrounded by Costa Ricans holding up taxi signs and begging us to use their taxi. I knew our resort would be sending a driver, but where in the world was he?? I looked around, trying not to look any taxi drivers in the eye - as they all seemed to have the puppy face down pat! I can't say no to a puppy face! That's how I end up buying four tubs of poor-tasting cookie dough from the neighbors for the cheap price of $15.99 each! Finally, after scanning the crowd several times, we found Alex, our driver and were whisked away to Bahia del Sol.

Funny story - all of the main highways in Costa Rica are similar to our residential streets. Small and pretty well paved. Their smaller highways and residential roads are dirt roads! But not like your grandpa's dirt roads - these have craters that are too similar to cliffs!! Therefore, the drivers often have to so SUPER slow so they don't jostle you around too much. Seth and I weren't prepared for dirt roads, so we automatically assumed (I say 'we,' but I mean 'I') that Alex had stolen the "Mr. and Mrs. King" sign or had been and incredibly lucky guesser and was really more interested in cutting off our ears and sending them back to our American families for ransom!! I need me ears! How else will I wear headbands??!! Back to the story.....

Finally, after an hour of driving, I saw signs for our resort. And may I say - oh my goodness! What a resort! The online pictures did no justice! (http://www.potrerobay.com/) They should hire me to take their website photos!! :) It was amazing!! Oh, the best thing ever!? They accidently overbooked thier resort and when they did, they had to move us up to a SUITE! I SAID SUITE! Instead of a normal hotel room with a mini-fridge, we got an apartment!! It was huge! And the upgrade was free!! We almost upgraded when we were making reservations, but decided not to at the last minute! Boy are we glad!!

Another quite funny story: First - I would like to remind you that Seth and I are both college graduates. I would normally say that we are two pretty intelligent people...on this trip, however, we weren't. I'll use the blazing sun as the excuse for our stupidity. So, Costa Rica's currency is Colones. There are 500 colones to the US dollar. So, that means 500colones = $1, right? Wrong, according to Seth and Sarah King. Yes, that's what I said...you're wrong. We're right. Yep...right and poor. Why, you say? I will tell you.

On our first full day in beautiful Costa Rica, Seth and I took a taxi-jeep into Playa Flamingo to get some groceries for our SUITE with a full kitchen! (just had to put that in there). Well, we felt we were rushed so we said, "okay, 500 is half of a thousand. So, a thousand is a dollar. So, take everything and divide the number by two and it will convert it to U.S. Dollars. So, 5000 colones would be two dollars and fifty cents. Sweet, grab what you need!" So, after we ran through the store that was the size of my living room, we realized that Costa Rica grocery stores were like a steal! We can get all kinds of stuff for ... like nothing! When we got to the cash register and the lady told us it would be 32,000 colones. "Sweet, 16 dollars!" I said. Then, Seth and I decided we didn't want to spend our cash, so we'd just use our debit card. Yay for debit cards, that is if you know how to do basic math. The shock finally came when we realized that we HAD spend $16. Yep, sixteen dollars....plus 48!! And would you like to know what we spend sixty four dollars on? Well, two great pairs of dollar-store goggles (kid size because that's all they had) and two pair of "hiking" shoes.......otherwise known as crocks. $64 on cheap crocks and dollar store goggles! AND THE CROCKS GAVE ME BLISTERS! I spend $64 on blisters! Yikes.

Oh, does anyone know what Despacio means? I ask this because when Seth and I were driving our little scooters, I often saw a sign that said Despacio. Although I didn't know what it meant, I enjoyed using my Costa Rican old man voice. It sounds like what Antonio Banderas might sound like after smoking for thirty years or so. A little grunge + a little Antiono = DESPACIO! Seriously, every time we drove by, Antonio popped right out!

This pic was actually taken on our last full day in Costa Rica. After scooter-ing all over the coast, paying way too much for souvineers, and hiking around the beaches and rainforest - we had to come home....to Missouri.